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Last sip of coffee two am

Heart heavy warm milk sours softly

Don’t wake up don’t say you love me

I know you think it’s true.

Are you dreaming

or am I

waking

up

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I am too lazy
It will kill me (not really) kill me to have to leave you babe

When I ask if we are ready you say you are starting to feel safe safer but not quite safe and I get the reasons why. Babies need to eat and so do I.

But safe is not the answer I wanted to hear. No is not an option either. Maybe is the sick bum who keeps showing up on the street I walk to work on; I’d kick it to the curb if I could be meaner.

Is it fair for me to scream that we had a deal, that I thought we wanted things the same and I thought we’d last forever?

I don’t think so. I know I would not want it if it were me. So I keep trying to make myself accept that maybe really means oops, we missed that boat. Let’s go to Maui instead or maybe Tokyo. Yes, Tokyo. We could do so much. We could turn the third bedroom into a studio. I could fill my days with ceramics classes and yoga. We could get a cat. It’s practically the same thing.

We could bypass the sleepless nights and full diapers, the growing pains and the homework. It will always be my turn to play. It sounds great, doesn’t it?

It should be so easy. Why can’t I let it go? Why, every time you hold me, I can’t help but resent that I still don’t have my little bundle of misery?

Safety first.

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losing time as I pick clean the bones

my tongue and teeth tear around your cartilage

why should you get to lounge around the pool while I’m hungry

what you have what you have always

imsohungry

Your parents smile benevolently open wide their arms to me

Enough for everyone, there’s enough to go around

indeed

their flabby arms flap as I chew through you

my sullen scowl is now a grin as your bones crunch

You still have your teeth, giving me a big grin as wide as the sun

enough

there is enough for everyone but me